And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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