Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
