We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
