i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I want to have your abortion
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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