Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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