I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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