Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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