I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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