I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
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All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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