whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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