2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
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