Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
