Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
