the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
