Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
