I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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