I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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