I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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