thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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