They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
