tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
