the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
