I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
