at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
