Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
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