so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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