from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
