I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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