apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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