Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
