I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
