so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
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Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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