I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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