every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
