i think my tv is drunk
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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