i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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