I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
