I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
