I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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