I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
