You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
