plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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