im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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