she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
