I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Green mimosas i think yes
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
