I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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