by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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