HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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