I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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