Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
