8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
