It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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