Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
