My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You need Xanax blowdarts
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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