Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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