1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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