And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
