seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
