I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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