So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
