Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
