you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
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if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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