Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
