Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
