Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
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