I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
