i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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