textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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