smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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