i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
