this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
