I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
