Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
