FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she smelled like a LAN party
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
