My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
